A brief interlude. Speaking the truth needed and been approved. People call me a beast but I fit a fool. Cried brief on my sheets, tears be my food. Huh, I speak now so you know what it look like. Plane crash before it took flight. Meaning it was just a season when it looked right. Wanting to be with her (him)I’m the cool type. Yeah, I remember the day by the fire place. Feeling Serene wanna fly away. You see I framed that whole moment in my time and space. Wanna say the L word how times have changed. No more, but we were never we just you and I.I thought we would be ‘coz of bluish skies. Who knew grey clouds still brewed inside. A storm unseen right through my eyes. I’m writing with my heart now, asking did she (he)ever love me and. Does she(he) love another and. I pause for a second since some are saying. True love came I wanna know will it come again. Which woman (man)will fan the flame. So much going on in a major way. But my sights are on me and not God. I read Psalm 73 see outpour. And seek out more to grow in love with the Father. Coz if she(he) don’t love I know He will. Is this verse a recipe for disaster. Heart worn on my sleeve so you know its real. I’m still talking to Stephen (Sarah)he(She) know the deal. Wise words so I heed make sure he spill. Man, Lord Jesus I know you will. But draw me close so my soul is healed. – S.O, Stephen’s interlude
I was the cloth I thought you wanted. Needed. I remember how I wiped your tears and although maybe. Sometimes I caused them I wiped them. I remember nights of keeping you warm and those afternoons cooling you down.
How you held me. How I felt in your arms. The sheer delight you had in your eyes when you looked at me. They sparkled. Honestly. Beautifully. How I loved to look at them and noticed how curly your eyelashes are. It was then I fell in love with everything you had to offer.
Touch. Smile. Eyes.
But it seems you grew tired of my holes. Of these worn out edges that came with caring for you. Of these stains that stayed when I wiped up my heart which bled when you cut it with some type of love you loved me with. It seems that new microfiber, antibacterial cloth they sell got you forgetting about me. I knew it when you walked into the store that day. When you walked away from me on the 4th of July. And how I knew that was the last time I would get to touch those beautiful eyes of yours.
I just wonder,
Do you ever,
Think of me,
Anymore, do you?
It hasn’t been long. But it feels like its been forever since I was discarded outside. Left torn and stained. I wonder if you would ever remember the tears I wiped or the laughs I saw? I wonder if when you really wanted me if you actually did and now that you got a ‘better’ cloth if you never want anything to do with me?
How my pillows are continually soaked from these tears and how my function of drying tears no longer works. How these walls wish they could pick me up to a washing machine and how they wish they could comfort me. How I wished for somebody, anybody to take these pictures in my head and put them far away because they are torturing me.
Because hitting the delete button only worked on my phone.
But still I rise.
And maybe its selfish but still when the morning comes I rise, put on my smile and walk into work with my head a little lower than usual but nonetheless high
I rise because I have to. Because i have come to accept that maybe you only wanted the cloth for that season because it was there, easy and available. And maybe that thought brings comfort.
You are now something I did. And maybe that’s exactly what you wanted.
You are now the memory I knew you will be. But still I hope you remember what I will never forget.
Its spin cycle now, because somehow someone got me to the washing machine. And this pressure and cold is really stretching my fibres apart. I saw Him walk past. Soon. It will be over.
Bring me flowers- Hope
Do you- Neyo