LIFESTYLE/INSPIRATION

FLY ON THE WALL

totally unrelated but funny picture for enlightenment as always!

totally unrelated but funny picture for enlightenment as always!

 

Nothingness the hollow six inches between my ears

She becomes the hypocrite she knows herself to be

It’s not enough

And in this instance

Knowledge did not bring power

Either did experience come with wisdom

Let me crash and burn

For my engine although worn out won’t stop until a crash

The last stop before the cliff edge

Is when I thought I stopped for water

I am her

Her locked in this glass box

So I think I am making progress

But I am locked into place

Sorrow sobs turn into screams that must be swallowed. Tears like rivers that run down my face.

“Buzz buzz”

Back straight. Eye open. Pupils dilate to let in that glimmer of lights in the room. You’re alerted to another being’s presence. – It’s just a fly.

“Oh God, I can’t do this’ if I have to fake another smile and hide bags enough that I could crawl into underneath my eyes I would not know what to do. But as I work my mac nc45 into my skin, I am doing the exact opposite of what I planned for a Friday night.

I wish it was as easy as breathing. Wrong for breathing in itself it’s a task that requires energy and involves a bunch of chemical reactions of which I could name but do not have the time. So no it can’t be easy as that.

False hope. Blue Skies grey clouds in a drought does not guarantee rain

And so my heart broke when I took my umbrella

That buzz of the fly that I keep hearing

It’s a cycle. Like my old bike I had when I was 9 years old. The worn rubber tires removed so that the metal frame was left. And every time I rode, I could see traces of where I had been but not where I was going. Not yet. But in that moment been the present and at the same time the future of the past but not been able to predict the next future, unless I keep riding. And the tracks that would ensue. And psychology will tell me hindsight bias means I knew it would happen all along.

But if the past is the only indication I have of my future, and if habits are so hard to break then what hope do I have left?

Let me end on this note; the cross is for my salvation.

Lamentations 3; 21-27

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