Author: Sarah Fynn

Hello there and welcome to my blog! My name is Sarah Fynn and I am the creator of this blog. So a bit about me, I LOVE travelling, all things hair and beaut. I love LOVE science! This blog came about as I began to transition to natural hair way back in 2011(Well it isn’t that long ago really lol). This blog will focus on 4 main areas Natural Hair. This area will have a diverse range of topics e.g. product reviews and recommendations, tips, advice and virgin hair review (my go to protective style) Lifestyle. This area is mainly poetry, inspiration and anything that doesn’t quite fit the other 3 areas Events. This is self-explanatory really. I will be covering events for my blog about natural hair, beauty and fashion or the odd event I find interesting Travel. Of course I will be bringing you posts on my adventures around the world! One of my goals is go to every single country! My travel posts may not be as regular as I would like (money problems lol) so in the meantime I will be talking about how to budget/plan and organise a trip! With any area, my aim is to INSPIRE you to either travel or go to an event even if it’s you alone, or to let you know your natural hair journey CAN BE SIMPLE! (Eek! I will try my bestest with that part)! Here you will find simple and straight forward information without the technical jargon or wooh-tah (seriously don’t you just hate that?) So don’t be a stranger and SUBSCRIBE its free. I make sure I post regularly unless I have had a very stressful week/month. Leave any comments or drop me an email to say hi, I would love to hear from you. If you’re a company/blogger and you’re interested in working with me, believe I want to too! Drop me an email if I don’t get to you first lol (I hope that doesn’t sound creepy) Email- sarah_fynn@hotmail.com Thanks for visiting and have a blessed day. Love Sarah.

RHOVIRGIN EURASIAN TIGHT CURL ONE MONTH UPDATE

Hey guys HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope this first week of 2015 is going great for everyone, exams, deadlines and all. Taking a quick break from revision and updating you guys on my fabulous Eurasian tight curl extensions from RhoVirgin hair, you can view my first impressions on it here >> http://wp.me/p1uQOd-pK

Let’s get started.

So I have been wearing this just close to a month or a bit over (I am not really sure). I will be addressing

Manageability( curly hair right), Hair care routines and Hair products used

Manageability

ZERO TANGLES, MINIMUM SHEDDING (bear in mind I did cut a lot of my wefts when I was making my unit). Guys, curly hair that does not tangle (need I say more?). I only experience shedding when I am co-washing the hair and with that it’s very minimal. The hair is very easy to manage on a daily basis- I just spray (using twisted sister 30 second curl spray- smell- amazeballs, £1 from savers) and go

Hair care routines and hair products

I make sure I co wash and deep condition every week to keep the curls defined. A side by side picture is shown below of the curls- freshly air-dried (lack of better wording) and after a week of wear. By the end of the week, most of the definition is lost and the hair gets a bit of volume (which I have no problem with). In terms of hair products, for co-washing- I use my co-wash mix (loads of conditioner, minimum shampoo and argan oil), then deep condition with either the smoothing hair treatment oil (by the way this stuff is the bomb.com, in the picture below with the extremely defined curls, I used one sachet on the hair for 10 mins. YES you’re welcome. £1each I think 3 for 2 in boots. You’re welcome again) or argan oil intensive hair mask (not shown but also £1 from savers). Both of this products work very well on the hair. I deep condition by saturating the hair and wrapping in a plastic bag ( I know everyone has a bag full of plastic bags in their kitchen somewhere, this will come in handy when you have about 3 units to wash anyway) and placing in hot water for about 10 to 30 mins (or more) for extra penetration ( no pun intended)

Moving on …

So whilst the hair is wet I spray it with the argan oil leave in conditioner. Short review can be viewed here>>>> http://wp.me/p1uQOd-nD or mixing a bit of the herbal essence wavy conditioner with water or using the mixed roots curl control leave in lotion which works very well. Then allow to hair dry.

And that’s pretty much it! I am still on my hairfinity grow out challenge, month 2 and 1 reviews can be seen here >>>> month 1>> http://wp.me/p1uQOd-qe month 2 >> http://wp.me/p1uQOd-qh . I am on my final bottle which is going ok. Thinking of carrying on or switching to another hair supplement. We will see. If you need the contact details of Rhovirgin hair check below and tell her I said hi (I’m Sarah btw).

That’s it folks and going back to revision. See you guys real soon, first impressions post coming up again.

Love Sarah

HAIRFINITY MONTH 2 UPDATE!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it’s been so long! I’m so sorry guys. Before I start

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR. 2015! RIGHT? RIGHT? WHERE THE HELL DID 2014 GO?!

So this post will be about my long overdue 2 month update on hairfinity. Let’s get into it!

GROWTH?

Although I did not experience much length this month, I did notice my hair is now so much thicker than month 1 ( I did say I felt like I did not experience thickness then- see the full month one update here >> http://wp.me/p1uQOd-qe)

I usually detangle and wash in 4 sections, but honey that doesn’t work anymore; I now detangle in 6 sections! Compared with last month, I did not experience any shedding/breakage (or more like it was very minimal) I did notice more shedding and breakage than usual, and this could be down to two things (I think)

I did not keep up with my normal hair routine so maybe my hair was dry/brittle which caused the shedding/ breakage
I did not keep up with taking hairfinity daily (I went about 3 or 4 days without it sometimes, and I heard that sometimes when you stop taking it you experience that

I also felt that any growth in length that did happen wasn’t maintained because of the shedding/breakage. As you can see from my measurements in month 2, there isn’t much growth at all. I decided to do a mini experiment to find out what happens after you stop taking hairfinity especially what happens to all that growth, after all we won’t be on these things forever now would we. Main question is- Would hair length be retained after hairfinity? I would like to say yes because hairfinity is expensive y’all. For real

So what I’m doing is taking a month’s break before I start on my final bottle. It’s been about 2 weeks so far. However I am not back to my normal hair routine yet although my hair is shedding/ breaking more than usual. Hmm (I will keep you guys update at the end of 4 weeks and when I am back to normal routine)

Breakout wise- still no breakouts other than the usual around that time of the month. And I did drink a lot less water than month two, so that’s a plus

So month two in summary

Not much difference in length
However my hair is much thicker
And there is more shedding and breakage

So that’s all folks, if you have any other experiences do let me know. Hope you guys enjoyed your Christmas and looking forward to the new year like I am. Good bye folks

P.S- if you want to purchase hairfinity there are offering a 15% discount on some of the bundle deals, have a look you could save some ££££.

Love Sarah

HAIRFINTIY 1 MONTH UPDATE!

Hey family, hope everyone is doing good and enjoying the weather (no of course you’re not enjoying this freezing cold weather LOL!). However good news is here! (Well for the people who have been thinking of taking hairfinity but are just not quite sure if you want to invest in it!) I have my one month update even though it’s long overdue (I have no excuses). Right so let’s get into it!

Most important question: DID I EXPERIENCE GROWTH?

YES. Normally my hair grows about ½ an inch monthly but I would also say my hair sheds quite a bit. Now obviously that would make it difficult to retain any growth right? So, how did hairfinity help? Well for starters shedding was reduced by up to 70% or more I think. I experienced less shedding during detangling and washing! I wish I took pictures but from month two, I will begin to add hair pictures to these posts. As you can see from my measurements, I first measured my hair on the 29^th of September; however I didn’t start taking hairfinity till the 2^nd of October. So from then until the 2^nd November when I actually measured by hair, I have experienced about 2 inches growth! As you can see my crown area did not grow (weird) and I have no idea why!

WHEN DID YOU TAKE THE PILLS? ARE THERE CERTAIN TIMES THEY WORK BEST? IF I MISS SOME PILLS WILL THAT AFFECT MY GROWTH?

I didn’t have a set time I took the pills, but mostly I took them in the evening( only because in the mornings for me I would be rushing about for uni or work so it wouldn’t have been ideal for me.) It also did not matter for me if I took them before or after a meal either. About missing pills, there were some days I missed. Some days I couldn’t remember if I had taken them or not so just to be safe and not overdose I did not take them that day. Also there was a whole weekend I was away from home and didn’t take the pills with me, so in total I had missed about 4 days or more, so then I would take them the next day which is probably why I didn’t finish the bottle exactly on the 2^nd of November. But I have been taking them for 30 days.

ANY SIDE EFFECTS? BREAKOUTS? GROWTH IN OTHER AREAS?

Not for me! The one thing I was worried about was breaking out as almost every woman on YouTube said. To try and combat that I started drinking a minimum of 1 litre of water a day to flush out any excess vitamins/minerals so as to reduce the chances of a breakout. Did it work? YES. However, ( yh there is always a however or but) I started using lemon juice as a toner to help with my complexion and the results have been phenomenal! I am not exaggerating. I USED to have breakout prone skin, but since I started using lemon juice as a toner PLUS drinking lots of water, my skin is glowing. Like GLOWING.

As for hairs in other areas I have not noticed any weird growth anywhere else. Although my friend has told me about her eyebrows growing a lot LOL (now I wish that happened to me since that woman who threaded my eyebrows made it so thin, but let’s not go there)

OVERALL THOUGHTS?

A lot of people also talk about how it made their hair softer, thicker (especially at the roots) and healthier. For me, in terms of thickness, I have not noticed a difference. My hair is naturally very thick especially at the roots so in my all processes of detangling and washing I have not noticed a change. As for my hair been softer, again before I started hairfinity my hair was quite brittle as I used to shampoo every week and blow dry after every wash. But (see another but!) in starting my hairfinity journey, I also started a no heat challenge for 3 months. I have noticed a difference with my hair been softer but I can’t say for sure if its hairfinity or cutting out the heat. I also made a few changes to my routine- cowashing every week and shampoo every other week. Hot oil treatments once a month and more finger detangling. (Probably not the best idea now that I think of it to start new things at the same time) so I guess time will tell with that area. I also noticed my nails been a bit stronger and growing a bit quicker.

My overall impression is good for month 1. I think it’s a good investment but be ready to also make some changes in order to help promote new growth instead on fully depending on a pill. I am now on my second bottle and I hope the results can continue.

For more information check out my introduction to hairfinity post- http://wp.me/p1uQOd-py

You can also check out the hairfinity website – http://www.hairfinity.co.uk/

Keep up to date with my blogs, subscribe or follow me on instagram- @slimtings1

That’s all folks for now, I wish you guys the best in the coming weeks. Wrap up warm, this weather has no chill! For real when it was sunny in October now winter is here in full force! 6 months exactly till I finish ( but who’s counting though) be good guys

Love Sarah

SHOOT THE COMPANY FOR HOUSE OF FRASER X CJAJ09

Hi guys, this a quick post to tell you guys about the work I did with CJAJ09 for SHOOT THE COMPANY on behalf of HOUSE OF FRASER. I will break it down for y’all soon.(lol). Before I get into that though, HAPPY NEW MONTH! Can you believe 2015 is just around the corner? This year has flown past honestly but I hope everyone has achieved their goals set for this year (you guys still remember your new year’s resolutions right? Haha) if you haven’t, you have 61 days left, get going! (motivational mode deactivated!)

So, my good friend over at CJAJ09 ( I say that like CJAJ09 is a place, like a physical place you could go to and visit, so let me try again) my good friend, Taylor, the owner of CJAJ09 (much better right?) had the opportunity to be included as one of the designers chosen to do a profile on for HOUSE OF FRASER! (AMAZING RIGHT?). SHOOT THE COMPANY IS the production company who were filming the whole thing. (Broken down into pieces and swept them up. Brokenness level? 100 LOL). It was a short video to be done on her life and how that influenced her brand (contact details of CJAJ09 will be provided at the end). And she chose me ( as the almost retired face of CJAJ09) to be included in the video and photo shoot at the end. So this will be a quick post on how the day went.

So the day started at church (typical Sunday life), where I met the lovely people form SHOOT THE COMPANY. They filmed the service and some activities she did as well ( I hope they got me dancing during praise time!) from there we went to Sunday brunch at Matthew’s yard( PURPLE VELVET CAKE! I will get to that soon.) And did some more filming, my girl was treated like royalty all day, her makeup was been topped up and they make sure she was well taken care of. They did some more filming whilst at brunch and filmed some really cool sex and the city walking inspired scenes which I loved!( I wished I wore my heels though!) you guys know by now how rubbish I am at description, so these are pictures of what I want to say. (your-typical-girls-looking-fly-walking-and-fake-talking-down-the-street)

use sex and city — THIS IS THE INSPIRATION

After brunch, Tom ( from SHOOT THE COMPANY) was kind enough to drive us to her house where she was interviewed about her brand and lifestyle. Finally we did a photo shoot for her upcoming look book. I think they filmed the start of the shoot then it was a wrap for them! I tried to not take as many pictures as I didn’t want to spoil it for you guys when the video will be released online( YouTube and HOUSE OF FRASER WEBSITE) and in some stores nationwide.

So that’s all folks make sure you check back here as I will keep you updated with the project and let you know the launch date, it should be very soon though. As promised below is all the contact information for CJAJ09

Facebook- CJAJ09

Website- www.cjaj09.com ( can see her blog as well on there)

Twitter and instagram- @myafricancloset

Pinterest- CJAJ09

Email- cjaj09@gmail.com

hasttag #fearlessfriday

FIRST LOOK- RHOVIRGIN EURASIAN TIGHT CURL HAIR

Hey family! I hope everyone is well and doing good. Just briefly, I wanted to share my new hair extensions from RhoVirgin Hair Company. Check out my previous posts about them by clicking on these links. http://wp.me/p1uQOd-ok , http://wp.me/p1uQOd-hz

So this time around I wanted a different look, I normally get body wave extensions or loose waves but this time I decided to let my inner diva out( like it hasn’t been out all this while lol!) and I was on the hunt for something new. My inspiration came from Tokyostylez instagram page ( and ladies if you are a hair fanatic you NEED to follow this guy, his wigs are LAID. Period) I was browsing as I do and came across this beauty

And I needed that texture in my life. I started to look around and again on instagram and on the RHOVIRGIN page she had posted this and I was sold!

I got 3 bundles and a matching closure- 24. 20. 18 plus 14 (4×4) closure of the EURASIAN TIGHT CURL HAIR ( also a new texture I havenot had yet) also I have never used 3 bundles for my hair before so again, something new. I think the specs of her hair in the picture are 22.20.18 and a 16 closure. Either way I am in love with this hair and I havenot even installed it yet.

First impressions?

Well she has stepped her game up since the last time I purchased hair from her. Your package will now come with business cards and an instruction sheet on how to care for your tresses including recommended products.

The hair has a pleasant smell. Almost like new clothes you order online if that makes any sense. I know and have heard of people who got hair from other vendors and were not pleased with the smell. Quick tip- you can either co-wash and deep condition if you don’t like the smell or for really strong smells, I have heard some girls use (wait for it) fabric conditioner to wash it out! ( cant comment on its validity though). A nice smell is always welcomed and a good sign.

Bundles were true to length and were full from weft to tip. The hair naturally has some very beautiful brown/blonde highlights so my dark and lovely jet black box dye gon have to wait! LOL. The thickness of the bundles was also expected as in you get less hair on longer lengths and more hair on the shorter lengths. The knots on the closure were bleached and it came with baby hair. The ends of the hair were in ok condition, a bit frizzy but nothing a good deep conditioning session cant fix.

So as always I co-washed and deep conditioned the hair and allowed to air dry over night. This is a side-side picture of hair straight of the packet and freshly co-washed hair. Curls be popping girl! The ends are back to life!

top pic- freshly co-washed bottom- fresh out of packet — top pic- freshly co-washed
bottom- fresh out of packet

For co-washing, I used my co-wash mix I mixed up myself ( 900ml conditioner and I recommend conditioners for dry/frizzy hair in this case I was using tresemme salon silk conditioner for frizz prone hair or something of the sort, 50ml herbal essence shampoo with Moroccan argan oil and 50ml argan oil- for extra moisturising properties) I use this mix on my hair as well and my curls be popping like crazy lol! Obviously I do not use a 1000ml of product on my hair at one time, its just a mix I have in my bottle I use.

Afterward I just deep conditioned with macadamia nut extract deep conditioner( smell? Amazeballs!), put in a bag and let it sit in hot water for about 10 mins! Cold water to rinse the product out and air dry

I also sealed my wefts with fray stop glue (this stuff is a nightmare, I mean its hi-tack so its probably very good but it takes forever to dry! So it took about 4 days to seal all my wefts- front and back)

So now that my hair is ready, I just need to find time to install it. As always I will be doing 1 , 3 and 5 months updates then from there on as I feel like it. Really looking forward to what I can do with this hair.

Ps hairfinity challenge going strong. Cant wait for month 1 update on the 2^nd of November. Stay tuned!

Peace out. Xx

THE WHOLE TRUTH

The whole truth- Da. Truth

And since I decided to be open with you, to bare all and leave my soul clinging to yours. When my pride was high and the sun shining in that glorious bluish sky, I looked at you and at the surface saw joy, I saw your hands turn red from the heat of the sun whilst mine just remained brown as they are

Even then, whilst open, apparently I overlooked myself. So let’s cut deeper, go deeper into the issues that ensued now that the sun is no longer shinning and now that your joy is hatred. Yes

This is the whole truth.

Let’s sit and face the person in the mirror though it’s the most uncomfortable and unbearable topics to broach. Like this child holding a bear. Let me not start on the emotions it evoked inside of me. End results in a stream of tears I cannot control. Can you imagine giving up something you thought you depended on without the assurance of getting another? And you imagine the audacity muster in order to hit delete on my phone. You don’t know what happened. Really cut deep into me.

It was just a picture I saw. I picture I briefly skimmed over but it’s enough for the attachment to memories I have of your favourite team and you. Because I was there. Better still we were there together. Cheering because number 14 had just come on.

Was I blinded? I mean I know I should use my glasses more but was I blind? Did I loss complete function of my pupils? How was light been let through but I could not see your shadows?

I am tasked with forgiveness. Of self. I think that’s a topic to be breached later.

‘He gives us power to believe we are in control’

Have you seen a bunch of crabs in a bucket? How selfish they are in bringing each other down. No one makes it. Selfish desires lead to bleeding hearts that the Cross can only bind. This is for me. Us. To ones that still cry, maybe not on the bathroom floor but even with smiles all around hearts bled, as my pen scribbles across my page in my cancer biology class.

But You made it so. So that before I fell my pride fell long and hard. You gave me exactly what I thought I needed and wanted only to snatch it away as quickly as you gave it to show how much I really didn’t need it.

The irony!

It takes death to appreciate life. Takes sorrow to experience joy. Takes heartbreak to know what love is

And here is the truth: no matter how much a big of a deal I made it and make it now there was no love gained. Nada

No even walks on Cadiz’s great beaches because that never happened anyway.

I become myself in the midst of this. Letting it refine me in ways I never knew. It’s been a long time without your presence and how could I have thought, I could do this without you. Father? You let me fall so I could rise to a higher level. And whilst soul is purging, draw me closer until it’s healed. Forgiveness because I am forgiven. And I let go of my bear in order for hands to be empty to receive from you.

And he says pray more and worry less. And new words been spoken to me will have effects at a later stage. He says with time I can show you what real love is supposed to be.

It wasn’t all them. I had my part to play to and I accept my responsibility in the part I had to play in order to break my heart. Still these words are over me

‘I am not consumed because of your great love’

Lamentations 3.22

MONOLOGUES FROM FOR COLOURED GIRLS

If you haven’t seen the movie or read the book. Please do!

“i loved you on purpose

i was open on purpose

And even though it didn’t seem like it I did. With scars and open wounds. I made that decision. And I was to face the consequences. Maybe for you it was the first day you saw me, for me it took a while. I know what hasty decisions can feel like but still it would seem that ‘after loving you assiduously for 8 months 2 wks & a day’ it was a hasty decision. And I am reminded of your words ‘ I don’t care if you open to me.. if two days later you will break up with me’ in the midst of loving you and crying at the same god damn time!

i still crave vulnerability & close talk

yet now I am rendered useless to another.

& i’m not even sorry bout you bein sorry

you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wanna

just dont give it to me

Don’t you dare blame this on me. Its too much of an insult to carry along with knowing you were going to be a memory but carrying on anyway. And of course I had my part to play and youre not even sorry. I just don’t know you anymore.

i cant use another sorry

next time

you should admit

you’re mean/ low-down/ triflin/ & no count straight out

and the truth is no matter how bad a picture I paint of you in my head, my hearts knows the different. So maybe you were telling lies and maybe you were truthful, even either what remains is I loved.

steada bein sorry alla the time

enjoy bein yrself”

enjoy the sunshine you have. You would never have to feel my cold again.

― Ntozake Shange, for colored girls who have considered suicide/when the rainbow is enuf

“Through my tears

I found god in myself

and I loved her fiercely”

― Ntozake Shange

They fell like racing cars in Indianapolis 500. Like I was going for the some-what-promised-prize. Like it ever meant a thing to you. So in the midst of my tears for you but really they were mine. I can no longer give you that honour.

Its not worth that.

I found a God who bleeds like me.

And in finding that, I loved me(Him) with every scar WE caused.

It seems throwing everything out only worked for the things you bought.

Sarah’s Interlude

A brief interlude. Speaking the truth needed and been approved. People call me a beast but I fit a fool. Cried brief on my sheets, tears be my food. Huh, I speak now so you know what it look like. Plane crash before it took flight. Meaning it was just a season when it looked right. Wanting to be with her (him)I’m the cool type. Yeah, I remember the day by the fire place. Feeling Serene wanna fly away. You see I framed that whole moment in my time and space. Wanna say the L word how times have changed. No more, but we were never we just you and I.I thought we would be ‘coz of bluish skies. Who knew grey clouds still brewed inside. A storm unseen right through my eyes. I’m writing with my heart now, asking did she (he)ever love me and. Does she(he) love another and. I pause for a second since some are saying. True love came I wanna know will it come again. Which woman (man)will fan the flame. So much going on in a major way. But my sights are on me and not God. I read Psalm 73 see outpour. And seek out more to grow in love with the Father. Coz if she(he) don’t love I know He will. Is this verse a recipe for disaster. Heart worn on my sleeve so you know its real. I’m still talking to Stephen (Sarah)he(She) know the deal. Wise words so I heed make sure he spill. Man, Lord Jesus I know you will. But draw me close so my soul is healed. – S.O, Stephen’s interlude

I was the cloth I thought you wanted. Needed. I remember how I wiped your tears and although maybe. Sometimes I caused them I wiped them. I remember nights of keeping you warm and those afternoons cooling you down.

How you held me. How I felt in your arms. The sheer delight you had in your eyes when you looked at me. They sparkled. Honestly. Beautifully. How I loved to look at them and noticed how curly your eyelashes are. It was then I fell in love with everything you had to offer.

Touch. Smile. Eyes.

But it seems you grew tired of my holes. Of these worn out edges that came with caring for you. Of these stains that stayed when I wiped up my heart which bled when you cut it with some type of love you loved me with. It seems that new microfiber, antibacterial cloth they sell got you forgetting about me. I knew it when you walked into the store that day. When you walked away from me on the 4th of July. And how I knew that was the last time I would get to touch those beautiful eyes of yours.

I just wonder,

Do you ever,

Think of me,

Anymore, do you?

It hasn’t been long. But it feels like its been forever since I was discarded outside. Left torn and stained. I wonder if you would ever remember the tears I wiped or the laughs I saw? I wonder if when you really wanted me if you actually did and now that you got a ‘better’ cloth if you never want anything to do with me?

How my pillows are continually soaked from these tears and how my function of drying tears no longer works. How these walls wish they could pick me up to a washing machine and how they wish they could comfort me. How I wished for somebody, anybody to take these pictures in my head and put them far away because they are torturing me.

Because hitting the delete button only worked on my phone.

But still I rise.

And maybe its selfish but still when the morning comes I rise, put on my smile and walk into work with my head a little lower than usual but nonetheless high

I rise because I have to. Because i have come to accept that maybe you only wanted the cloth for that season because it was there, easy and available. And maybe that thought brings comfort.

You are now something I did. And maybe that’s exactly what you wanted.

You are now the memory I knew you will be. But still I hope you remember what I will never forget.

Its spin cycle now, because somehow someone got me to the washing machine. And this pressure and cold is really stretching my fibres apart. I saw Him walk past. Soon. It will be over.

Bring me flowers- Hope

Do you- Neyo

LOWS AND HIGHS

Maybe the sunshine makes me cold because of you.

But maybe I am also giving more importance to you than I should.

Maybe. I have come to terms that I may be doing that now. Maybe.

Why do I keep chasing something that bids me not to run?

Maybe its because of that one morning in Barcelona where hearts were open. It was then I loved you. Maybe I still do thats why this is hard.

‘I don’t want to be something you didn’t do’

But maybe you want that for a forever that was only temporary because forever isn’t really for ever?

Maybe

And I have come to hate the disgrace I have brought on me. These tears are not bound to my room alone. I wipe my tears of my brother’s sleeve, wondering if anyone could see/feel what I do.

Maybe the tears are falling because of the sunshine, or because the cold now brings joy?

Maybe because I thought you would be the same as me, and I was right.

But in this storm, I saw Him walking on water. The last I saw Him was on the mountain top so what is He doing here? Maybe I am dreaming. But to stay in this boat will be the death of me.

And suicide, mother didn’t know either. That other side seen but just let me go deeper. And so you get the message, I’ll put it in perspective I was waking up at night asking am I still elected Or rather was I ever, wanting to die since that’s better than living life as a hostage in time. Am I crossing the line? Here’s some thoughts in my mind – S.O

I could not ask for a better way of describing my new job than the words above. http://wp.me/p1uQOd-oJ

Maybe my tears are an indication of been scared to be happy without you.

Maybe

Back to the boat. With waves rocking, boats shaking. I look around to see panic on their faces. And somehow all the faces are mine. Same voice different words. Stay or jump. And with the shore so far away the most likely choice is to jump.

Is this my fault? Did I not heed the warning signs? Weather all week has been rough yet I decide to go ‘boat racing’. In a race for a prize that isn’t even promised. And a prize that may not want to be won. Strange. Well I’m here now and I’m sinking fast.

‘if it is You, bid me to come’

‘come’

It wasn’t a dream. There was peace and quiet. The others looked on as I stepped out and walked on water. Until I was a flash of the prize then suddenly I was sinking. That’s when He reached out and caught me

So maybe I am walking on water.

And this pain will not last. Storms always come to an end. I pray you do not sink.

(So I ask myself) Why are you downcast my soul, hope in the Lord/See Him hanging there on the pole for the filthest thoughts/The most wicked of hearts, He died for you S know it/This is truth, objective how do you then blow/Repentance and faith, bear fruit man show it/Have that cross up in face endure and know Him/Be strong in the grace that’s found solely in Him/Satan will pray tricks by reminding you of your sin/But He died for them all, remember Calvary again/Never let it leave your brain/and things will never be the same/The Lamb of God was truly slain, rose up from the grave though/And justified in His name up the praise go!/Yeah, and that will never change/This that high up on the ride that I better crave/My help and my God who is centre stage/And His Spirit in I no better way/- S.O

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2014:22-34

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp59jnybY1A

this is for us. The ones in the storm. The ones fighting everyday. Peace will come. x

‘its definitely hard, cant say it isn’t.’

HELP ME BELIEVE

these are the lyrics to a song by Kirk Franklin called help me believe. To all those going through a difficult period like myself, these lyrics are very encouraging like the prayer we should pray but know we cant. Tough times come and sometimes they are near impossible to endure. but after a while, we will be ok.

[Intro]
I just want to write you a letter I got to very honest but um I really don’t know how to say this[Verse I]
I wanna believe
But I’m having a hard time seeing past what I see right now
I see right now I wanna be free
But when I try to fly I realize I don’t know how
No one one showed me how
Wish I could see
That this mess I’m in will really work out for my good
You said it would
So if You can hear me
Can You give me a sign
‘Cause I don’t feel You like I should
Please if You could
My faith is almost gone
I can’t hold on much longer
Take this cup from me

[Chorus]
Help me believe
Can I believe
Let me believe
I wanna believe
I’m no good on my own
Please give me another chance
It’s hard to believe
In what I can’t see
To give You my will
‘Cause Your will is better for me
You can look in my eyes and see
I wanna believe
Believe [3x]

[Verse II]
I wanna believe
If I never hear I’m sorry I can let it go
Gotta let You go
Cause it’s killing me
Jesus, You know how it feels ’cause You’ve been hurt before
Don’t wanna hurt no more
I’m trying to hear You speak
But my heart is growing weaker
Take this cup from me

[Chorus II]
Help me believe
Can I believe
Let me believe
I wanna believe
I’ve been here before and I cant take that hurt again
But it’s hard to believe
In what i can’t see
To give You my will cause Your will is better for me
You can look in my eyes and see
I wanna believe
Believe [6x]

[Verse III]
I wanna believe
When I close my eyes on this side
I’ll wake up with You
More in love with You
And finally you will say my race it is over
And my work is through
‘Cause I believed in You
I know dark nights will come
And somedays there will be no sunshine
And You’s too far to see

[Repeat Chorus]

[Believe 32x]

oh one more thing- GOD STILL HEALS.