love – sarah fynn

Birthday Beauty Wish List

Hey hey, it’s been a while, how y’all doing? I decided to take a break from blogging to catch up on a few other things and set some personal goals etc etc. but I’m back and guess what it’s almost my birthdayyyyy. Official countdown (like I wasn’t countdown down from the 23^rd of April Last year LOL).

Been a beauty blogger has allowed me to hear of a ton of brands and products which naturally I would love to try(#productjunkie) so this year, in addition to my Birthday wish list, I decided to also do a Birthday Beauty Wish list which is a list of all the beauty items I would love to try. In case you are wondering what to get me lol, this should help! I will link everything to make it SO easy for you to find 🙂 here’s 10 of the beauty things I would love the most (this was HARD)

Let’s get started (in no particular order)

Charlotte Tilbury Dry Sheet Mask, £18

I pretty much live for sheet masks (Sephora Collection hello!) and we all know the come wet soaked in serum. So when CT released this DRY SHEET MASK which can be used 3 TIMES, I was like gurl you betta take this money lol

YSL Touche Eclat Blur Primer, £29.50

Even though I’m pretty pissed with YSL for getting rid of some of the dark shades of the foundation, the texture of this primer keeps the love part going in my love/hate relationship with them. In addition to pretty amazing reviews, the primer feels so nice on PLUS it has gold flecks in it. I dunno if this is God playing tricks on me but ever since I tested this primer and loved it, almost every YT tutorial I have watched since has been using this primer SMH

Armani Code Satin Perfume, 75ml for £67

So every year its custom for me to get a new perfume for my birthday ( as well as a new watch, dress, lipstick, bag, purse, shoe and jacket. I SO extra). I originally wanted the Armani Code Cashmere perfume which I fell absolutely in love with in Vienna but didn’t purchase because I thought it would be available in the UK and 2. Liquid restrictions. I can’t find Cashmere anywhere here but the Satin is amazing as well

NARS All Day Luminous Weightless Foundation, £34

This foundation is all kinds of beautiful and I have been lusting over it for a while! I love my Sheer Glow Foundation but there is something about this one I love too. I’m not sure of my shade but you can always give me the funds to go and purchase it LOL

Peter Thomas Roth meet your mask kit, £21

I have had my eye on PTR for a while now and though his stuff are expensive, this kit is the perfect way to get introduced to his well known face masks!

Nyx cosmetics lip lingerie in After hours and Cabaret Show, £7 each

Nyx have recently expanded their lip lingerie shades and these two are among the new shades I want.

Estee lauder Advanced Night Repair Serum, £52

Granted 52 is a lot for a serum but this serum is life! I had a deluxe sample size and in the two weeks it lasted, my skin looked so good! It’s an investment but one that will definitely yield good returns

Elf brushes

After a brush shortage on a trip lol, I realised the importance of not only have the enough brushes, but the right brushes too. I have been eyeing the Powder Brush £5.00, Flat Contour Brush £7.50 and the Highlight Brush £4.50

Caudalie beauty elixir set, £32

I’m a setting spray fanatic and this Caudalie beauty elixir has been on my radar! I love this set because for the price you’re basically getting two more items free!

Gleam in Bronze Gold, £14

I love me a glow esp in the summer and Gleam is one I really want but can’t seem to find time to go to Camden to get! It’s also available in a bigger size so feel free to get that if you want 🙂

That’s all folks! I can’t wait for my birthday and this one is quite special because, for the first time in a looong time, I am finally excited for my birthday! Happy birthday to all the April-borns out there! Hope you have a great day on your day

Looking forward to getting these soon lool

Happy Easter!

Best Highlighters for Black Women Under £10

Who doesn’t LOVE a good highlighter? I mean when the light hits your cheekbones and the shine alone blinds your enemies! LOL I am obsessed with highlighters and I don’t think I can do a makeup look without them! But let’s face it, some of the best ones are pricey and God knows I am not using my Becca Topaz every day for work! No no!

My best liquid lipsticks post (read it here) was super popular so I thought I would keep the same concept for more posts. Makeup highlighters were the next idea I had and after a bit of research, I realised I actually have a few highlighters from the drugstore that are under £10 and perfect for women of colour!

Enough talk, let’s get into the post

Best Highlighters for Black Women under £10

Between these insta worthy shades, they are super pigmentated, blend hella easy and nicely milled to not highlight texture on the skin. I apply with a fan brush (I didn’t know these were hard to come by lol) or a small stippling brush for that glow from within look!

I chose these highlighters based on

Price

Shades

Accessibility

Makeup Revolution Strobe Highlighter In Rejuvenate, £3

Makeup Revolution Baked Bronzer In Rock On World, £4

MUA Undress Your Skin In Iridescent Gold, £3

Makeup Revolution Shimmer Brick In Rose Gold, £3

Makeup Obsession Highlighter In Tropical, £3

Makeup Obsession Highlighter In Flame, £3

BodyShop Highlighting Domes In 3, £9

Gosh Copenhagen Lumi Drops In Bronze, £7.99

Worth checking out

Sleek Contour Kit

Milani

Swatches of the highlighters are below. I would do individual swatches but time you see, but follow me on Insta and you will get swatches and moreeeee lol

Most of these I realised are under £5! Don’t sleep on the Drugstore guys, they have some pretty amazing products and they are super cheap too! I’m thinking of what to add to the Best Series next, I would love to hear your suggestions! Remember you can turn your fav shimmery eyeshadow to a highlighter or a shimmer blush into a highlight as well- break the makeup rules and play with it!

I just finished the Drugstore Setting Spray & Primers Review series! Make sure to check them out as well!

Barry M Flawless Original Primer Review

I’ve been preaching about primers for the longest time so it wasn’t long I planned a review series to follow suit. The series took me to the drugstore to test out some of the hottest brands primers. Barry M is a well-known brand in the drugstore so it made sense to pick out their flawless primer to add to the series.

The flawless primer promises pore minimising, smoothing and mattifying. It’s also suitable for all skin types

Experience

Let’s talk texture. The primer is a white smooth fluid which pumps out easily. I use about 2 to 3 pumps for my face and neck. The white fluid quickly turns clear and transparent as you warm it between your fingers and apply to the face. It feels smooth on the skin and as it settles in it looks (slightly) matte. I prefer to let the primer sit for a few seconds before starting my makeup application. It becomes very smooth and I find stuff just glide easily onto the skin.

I won’t say its pore minimising though. I have small pores and even with its pore minimising claims, I find no difference in the appearance of them after applying the primer. Is it matte? I think it’s a softer matte, it doesn’t look drying and doesn’t feel it either. The flawless primer holds up well during the day. It keeps my (slightly) oily tzone oil free but a tad bit shiny after 4 to 5 hours of wear. Not enough to blot but slightly noticeable although I don’t really mind that (a little dewiness for me)

Verdict

For a 5.99 primer I think it’s very good. If you’re extremely oily, I won’t say this is the mattifying primer to get, normal to combo skin may want to give this a try. It may not be the best for dry skin types either: it didn’t dry out my skin and doesn’t feel dry but it isn’t hydrating either.

All in all a good primer to end my review series with! I hope this series was helpful, make sure to check the other primers I have reviewed!

Will I repurchase? Yes

Barry M Flawless Original Primer is £5.99 at Superdrug

A primer from Primark? Primark Prime And Anti Shine Balm review coming soon! Catch me on Instagram for all the products and latest launches in town!

Love ya

Sarah

xoxox

Makeup Revolution Pro Fix Amazing Makeup Fixing Spray Review

For today’s instalment in the Drugstore Setting Spray Review Series, I will be talking about the Makeup Revolution Pro Fix Amazing Makeup Fixing Spray. Makeup Revolution is a popular drugstore brand with budget friendly prices: there was no way I could do this challenge without picking up their setting spray!

The Makeup Revolution Pro Fix Amazing Makeup Fixing Spray to keep your makeup in place all day and protect against heat & humidity whilst helping your makeup to last 8 hours

Experience

I really like this setting spray. It sprays in a fine mist and doesn’t leave white spots on the face. It doesn’t say what sort of finish it gives but I have found it to be a natural satin/matte finish which I actually like (huge surprise as I prefer dewy/glowy finishes). It doesn’t dry out my face or make my skin look dry either. I have really tested out this spray’s claims as I have used it when I have been running errands in the past week. It helped my makeup stayed put and held up against heat. I’m not a huge fan of the scent- slightly of chemicals but it works so I can accept that lol

I have a slight oily T zone and I found the spray helped to extend the time I would need to blot which I really liked. I haven’t experienced any irritation with the product. They say you can use this on eye makeup as well but I haven’t tested that out yet.

Verdict

A good setting at a very good price! The Makeup Revolution Pro Fix Amazing Fixing Spray will be the perfect addition to your makeup collection! For very oily skin types, they have an oil controlling formula as well.

Makeup Revolution Pro Fix Amazing Makeup Fixing Spray is £5 at Tam Beauty

I will reveal which setting spray is next on Instagram, be sure to follow me to find out!

ONE HEART

It’s time to take a much needed break from hair updates and go back to some poetry. This is from one heart to another

I have a soul

I am a spirit in this physical casing supposed to see me through this journey. I am His creation, His daughter, the physical embodiment of His vision and purpose.

With every curve I was turned, pruned, trimmed until He was pleased. He called me His beloved and I became His

Enveloped in His presence, surrounded by His love

Until whispers of sweeting nothings enticed the flesh I had. It became so full of nothing that when it finally emptied itself it was still yearning for more.

How?

Why?

The black lace that covered the fire made it look enticing. I could not keep my hands off it. My eyes could not get its fill. Awake at night in the heat of the moment, sweat beads formed as my pores opened for release

Yet still wanting more

And I sighed, affirmingly

Back arched as I fought against her to take him. This is what you wanted right.

Sinking into depths when he exhaled. Tears poured out. Was it love? Was it the deep darkness that pierced my eyes? And suddenly the lace is removed and the fire seems to burn now.

It hurts. Lord. Please.

And so it’s over. As quickly as it began. And I’m left curled in the foetal position begging for a Saviour forgetting He is close by. As fresh tears fall I begin to feel His presence, more tears and He’s touching me

The heart that was burned is beginning to heal, in that split second gravity let’s go of me and I arise. Soar into His arms once again. Cushioned by His Love

Again.

Months later

It was just a song that reminded me of us. Just the beat of the drums evoke memories of the fire we started. I find myself craving you again. Wondering if I could have you one last time.

I catch myself.

I am His daughter. How can I crave fire? Was I not healed? Am I not healed?

Yes

I am His daughter. And I can push harder and fight. I am reminded in that same moment to pursue heavenly thoughts and not return to the darkness from which I fought so hard to come from.

Sarah this is for you. This is for us, the broken ones. The ones that were burnt by the very flame we fanned. The ones whom dysfunction were our new normal.

Because God loves you. Because He never left you. Because if you could really and truly fall into His arms He would show you His heart. Because after wondering all over and loving everything you see, you were too afraid of loving your scars, you denied His beauty for you. And when He called you beautiful and touched you intimately, you could not recognise how amazing that moment truly was because you didn’t even know what had happened.

You are special. If only you could believe me when I tell you, I look down upon you in heaven and I am pleased with you. You needed to hear that.

I am pleased with you

I AM PLEASED WITH YOU

Become the girl you dream off, do not put her aside any longer because you feel you are not ready. Be her in the midst of the frustration, confusion, anger and hurt. She was made for those times. The fire has burnt you enough, it’s time for her to soar. Oh let me do my work! Do not let another die before I can get your attention again.

Sarah let love flow in you. That unfamiliar feeling with all its vulnerabilities. Do it right because you are my daughter. I will replenish you if that’s what you are wondering. Let potential be kinetic and move forth!

This is for anyone that is hurting or has been hurt by broken relationships. God sees your tears and feels your pain. The breakthrough is coming! It’s almost morning!

Be encouraged. This pain is so necessary to take you to the next level and after you have been through share whilst others are going through

A new day is coming

From one heart to another

Love

Sarah

The Process of WAITING

Hey guys, so this post will be a little bit different from the usual. I want to talk about waiting and how HARD it can be sometimes. This is just to remind myself and to encourage anyone who is in the same situation as me that GOD HAS NOT FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU!

Ok, so currently I have finished uni (it’s been one day so far lol) and of course as everyone at this stage, we are looking for our dream jobs or a starting job to get there unless you’re rich or you already got yours.

LET’S PAINT A PICTURE

Before anyone gets on me and starts saying it’s only been a day since I finished uni so what am I talking about, I am about to paint a HD, 3D picture for y’all. So if you are anything like me, you think you are really smart and the plans you have for you are so amazing so you thought to yourself, let me get ahead and start applying for jobs early. So your goal now is to secure a job before you finish university. Right. So I started applying for jobs at the end of February, about 2 jobs a week. I wasn’t just putting out applications too, I was going to my careers office and re drafting applications maybe up to 3 times for some jobs before my final submission. I was also applying for jobs I knew I would be qualified to do or jobs that provided training or entry level jobs OR jobs I had some experiences in. (at this time you’re thinking you’re setting yourself up for success right, surely). I also said to myself because I am starting early, if I wasn’t successful it wouldn’t bother me much because I was STILL in university so I would not ‘feel’ it as much (you were realistic as well and made provision for this, bravo) as if I had finished and was just at home (fair enough).

You’re with me so far right?

Now it’s middle to ending of March, dissertation deadline week for me plus a presentation and essay deadline and within this same week I get rejection emails at least once a day: Monday to Friday( I’m not even exaggerating), this happened for like two weeks till 1^st week April. On top of that my friends (which I am very happy for, DON’T GET ME WRONG) got their jobs like that (I just snapped my fingers), passed their driving test like that (I failed mine) and am sitting there like GOD? Then someone said to me ‘in your circle of friends, I thought you would be the first one to …….. And I heard this about you about your ….. (Previous relationships) and again I’m like GOD?????????

So I get my first telephone interview(phew! After getting through to so many first stages) 2^nd week of April and two face to face interviews the following week which have all been good but not good enough to get hired. ‘Lack of experience’ etc etc. by my birthday (ending April, which was really HARD) I was just like whatever init (lol)

(Picture painted, HD and 3D, drops brush and struts away like a boss LOL)

Why did I just tell you all of that? (Because this is very personal and I don’t let my business be known like this). Because I wanted to try to relate to someone who is in the same position as me and feeling down or you may have even started earlier than me and still no ‘luck’ and you’re a Christian and you been ‘naming and claiming’ and ‘praising God in the hallway before He opens the door’ and even been ‘binding and rebuking the devil and his demons’ lol BUT still no JOB.

Isaiah 54:4 – Fear not, for you will not be put to shame, and do not feel humiliated for you will not be disgraced….

CLING TO THIS. BREATHE IT, EAT WITH IT, AND SLEEP ON IT. It’s so hard to be in this process BUT the delay is for a REASON. I think sometimes we get so used to thinking this = that, if I praise God in the hallway the next day the door will be opened etc. but it doesn’t happen and you’re sitting there like GOD ???????????????????????????? (Or maybe it’s just me). Our plans, especially if you’re a Christian and have committed your life to Christ, is NOT the same as HIS plan’s no matter how great, marvellous, good they are ( words fail me and I can NOT stress that enough).

God’s Timing

Is the best and we hear that so many times that sometimes it doesn’t have any effect on us whatsoever ( if you are a scientist like me, there is so much substrate that is occupying the active site such that no additional substrate will have no effect whatsoever.)

Habakkuk 2;3- For still the vision awaits its APPOINTED TIME,(the time has not come yet) it hastens to the end- IT WILL NOT LIE(God CAN NOT lie. He will not change his mind). IF IT SEEMS SLOW (it probably feels so slow for you now but), WAIT FOR IT, IT WILL SURELY COME, IT WILL NOT DELAY! (IT WILL HAPPEN)

I just want to end on this: this ‘free’ time you have, you probably will not get once you start working so ENJOY IT. Develop whatever hobby you have, find a hobby if you must, read, travel ( but keep checking your email just in case and don’t go far lol), pick up a new skill , workout its almost summer or whatever you do to keep yourself busy until you start working otherwise been idle WILL cause a whole bunch problems you DON’T want. Keep ANYONE who will speak NEGATIVELY to you even if its with ’good intentions’ away from you, that too is not needed.

Just relax (it may be difficult) but try and connect with your friends, family and GOD. Of course be putting applications in and (just) wait for the right one to come by. Just think of all the experience you will be carrying into that dream job interview. And when you get it drive pass all the places that said no LOOL.

I hope someone found this encouraging and uplifting and it’s been great for me to write this as well. Drop your comments below if you are in a similar situation and how you are coping or just anything useful.

Until next time, with love

Sarah

P.S – UPDATE- I WROTE THIS ON THE 11^TH OF MAY- TODAY IS THE 21^ST, I GOT A JOB! AND PASSED MY DRIVING TEST! PRAISE GOD!!!! I’M STILL IN SHOCK BUT GUYS GOD IS TOO GOOD!

Those that wait upon the LORD… (fill it in for me!)

THIS PICTURE

It’s true
Just mentions of the places we have been to together triggers emotions
I wonder how it’s been so long and I am still locked in place like a lock and key model from science at GCSE
It’s that time of the night
Where whispers of my past interrupt with my thoughts for the future
3am knows all my secrets. My pressure points and weaknesses
struggling to see by my laptop light as i write these tears in my journal.
It’s the usual
how and why did I cause myself so much pain?

4am
Dig deeper.
Forget how useful the branches look and get to the root.

He was my sin, a pain I once loved and held on too dearly
Difficult to swallow- take responsibility for your part

His interlude
2.45am

Did I love her?
Or was she just accessible and readily available

Was it love?

Or a mere like because I was fascinated by her

A high school crush like feeling been experience now that I am in university

She was different from the rest

And I was draw to that not really understanding it or stopping to think if I could handle it

4.30am her

Sarah it’s time to lay to rest

Yh it was real nice

But the devil wears Prada

And boy did it look good

Got you thinking don’t it

You aint no victim

Release the pain and let healing flow

Rest will come if you sit by still waters

He’s waiting. Go on up

Christ compels you.

Last year I learnt about heartbreak that left me gasping for the very air I breathe

Taking me higher and leaving me breathless whilst still tryna perform CPR on me

And in this year I found love

And loves shaped as a cross

And it’s coloured red

And I can’t believe I was standing in his presence asking for love but accepting a cheap imitation of it elsewhere

THE WHOLE TRUTH

The whole truth- Da. Truth

And since I decided to be open with you, to bare all and leave my soul clinging to yours. When my pride was high and the sun shining in that glorious bluish sky, I looked at you and at the surface saw joy, I saw your hands turn red from the heat of the sun whilst mine just remained brown as they are

Even then, whilst open, apparently I overlooked myself. So let’s cut deeper, go deeper into the issues that ensued now that the sun is no longer shinning and now that your joy is hatred. Yes

This is the whole truth.

Let’s sit and face the person in the mirror though it’s the most uncomfortable and unbearable topics to broach. Like this child holding a bear. Let me not start on the emotions it evoked inside of me. End results in a stream of tears I cannot control. Can you imagine giving up something you thought you depended on without the assurance of getting another? And you imagine the audacity muster in order to hit delete on my phone. You don’t know what happened. Really cut deep into me.

It was just a picture I saw. I picture I briefly skimmed over but it’s enough for the attachment to memories I have of your favourite team and you. Because I was there. Better still we were there together. Cheering because number 14 had just come on.

Was I blinded? I mean I know I should use my glasses more but was I blind? Did I loss complete function of my pupils? How was light been let through but I could not see your shadows?

I am tasked with forgiveness. Of self. I think that’s a topic to be breached later.

‘He gives us power to believe we are in control’

Have you seen a bunch of crabs in a bucket? How selfish they are in bringing each other down. No one makes it. Selfish desires lead to bleeding hearts that the Cross can only bind. This is for me. Us. To ones that still cry, maybe not on the bathroom floor but even with smiles all around hearts bled, as my pen scribbles across my page in my cancer biology class.

But You made it so. So that before I fell my pride fell long and hard. You gave me exactly what I thought I needed and wanted only to snatch it away as quickly as you gave it to show how much I really didn’t need it.

The irony!

It takes death to appreciate life. Takes sorrow to experience joy. Takes heartbreak to know what love is

And here is the truth: no matter how much a big of a deal I made it and make it now there was no love gained. Nada

No even walks on Cadiz’s great beaches because that never happened anyway.

I become myself in the midst of this. Letting it refine me in ways I never knew. It’s been a long time without your presence and how could I have thought, I could do this without you. Father? You let me fall so I could rise to a higher level. And whilst soul is purging, draw me closer until it’s healed. Forgiveness because I am forgiven. And I let go of my bear in order for hands to be empty to receive from you.

And he says pray more and worry less. And new words been spoken to me will have effects at a later stage. He says with time I can show you what real love is supposed to be.

It wasn’t all them. I had my part to play to and I accept my responsibility in the part I had to play in order to break my heart. Still these words are over me

‘I am not consumed because of your great love’

Lamentations 3.22

MONOLOGUES FROM FOR COLOURED GIRLS

If you haven’t seen the movie or read the book. Please do!

“i loved you on purpose

i was open on purpose

And even though it didn’t seem like it I did. With scars and open wounds. I made that decision. And I was to face the consequences. Maybe for you it was the first day you saw me, for me it took a while. I know what hasty decisions can feel like but still it would seem that ‘after loving you assiduously for 8 months 2 wks & a day’ it was a hasty decision. And I am reminded of your words ‘ I don’t care if you open to me.. if two days later you will break up with me’ in the midst of loving you and crying at the same god damn time!

i still crave vulnerability & close talk

yet now I am rendered useless to another.

& i’m not even sorry bout you bein sorry

you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wanna

just dont give it to me

Don’t you dare blame this on me. Its too much of an insult to carry along with knowing you were going to be a memory but carrying on anyway. And of course I had my part to play and youre not even sorry. I just don’t know you anymore.

i cant use another sorry

next time

you should admit

you’re mean/ low-down/ triflin/ & no count straight out

and the truth is no matter how bad a picture I paint of you in my head, my hearts knows the different. So maybe you were telling lies and maybe you were truthful, even either what remains is I loved.

steada bein sorry alla the time

enjoy bein yrself”

enjoy the sunshine you have. You would never have to feel my cold again.

― Ntozake Shange, for colored girls who have considered suicide/when the rainbow is enuf

“Through my tears

I found god in myself

and I loved her fiercely”

― Ntozake Shange

They fell like racing cars in Indianapolis 500. Like I was going for the some-what-promised-prize. Like it ever meant a thing to you. So in the midst of my tears for you but really they were mine. I can no longer give you that honour.

Its not worth that.

I found a God who bleeds like me.

And in finding that, I loved me(Him) with every scar WE caused.

It seems throwing everything out only worked for the things you bought.

Sarah’s Interlude

A brief interlude. Speaking the truth needed and been approved. People call me a beast but I fit a fool. Cried brief on my sheets, tears be my food. Huh, I speak now so you know what it look like. Plane crash before it took flight. Meaning it was just a season when it looked right. Wanting to be with her (him)I’m the cool type. Yeah, I remember the day by the fire place. Feeling Serene wanna fly away. You see I framed that whole moment in my time and space. Wanna say the L word how times have changed. No more, but we were never we just you and I.I thought we would be ‘coz of bluish skies. Who knew grey clouds still brewed inside. A storm unseen right through my eyes. I’m writing with my heart now, asking did she (he)ever love me and. Does she(he) love another and. I pause for a second since some are saying. True love came I wanna know will it come again. Which woman (man)will fan the flame. So much going on in a major way. But my sights are on me and not God. I read Psalm 73 see outpour. And seek out more to grow in love with the Father. Coz if she(he) don’t love I know He will. Is this verse a recipe for disaster. Heart worn on my sleeve so you know its real. I’m still talking to Stephen (Sarah)he(She) know the deal. Wise words so I heed make sure he spill. Man, Lord Jesus I know you will. But draw me close so my soul is healed. – S.O, Stephen’s interlude

I was the cloth I thought you wanted. Needed. I remember how I wiped your tears and although maybe. Sometimes I caused them I wiped them. I remember nights of keeping you warm and those afternoons cooling you down.

How you held me. How I felt in your arms. The sheer delight you had in your eyes when you looked at me. They sparkled. Honestly. Beautifully. How I loved to look at them and noticed how curly your eyelashes are. It was then I fell in love with everything you had to offer.

Touch. Smile. Eyes.

But it seems you grew tired of my holes. Of these worn out edges that came with caring for you. Of these stains that stayed when I wiped up my heart which bled when you cut it with some type of love you loved me with. It seems that new microfiber, antibacterial cloth they sell got you forgetting about me. I knew it when you walked into the store that day. When you walked away from me on the 4th of July. And how I knew that was the last time I would get to touch those beautiful eyes of yours.

I just wonder,

Do you ever,

Think of me,

Anymore, do you?

It hasn’t been long. But it feels like its been forever since I was discarded outside. Left torn and stained. I wonder if you would ever remember the tears I wiped or the laughs I saw? I wonder if when you really wanted me if you actually did and now that you got a ‘better’ cloth if you never want anything to do with me?

How my pillows are continually soaked from these tears and how my function of drying tears no longer works. How these walls wish they could pick me up to a washing machine and how they wish they could comfort me. How I wished for somebody, anybody to take these pictures in my head and put them far away because they are torturing me.

Because hitting the delete button only worked on my phone.

But still I rise.

And maybe its selfish but still when the morning comes I rise, put on my smile and walk into work with my head a little lower than usual but nonetheless high

I rise because I have to. Because i have come to accept that maybe you only wanted the cloth for that season because it was there, easy and available. And maybe that thought brings comfort.

You are now something I did. And maybe that’s exactly what you wanted.

You are now the memory I knew you will be. But still I hope you remember what I will never forget.

Its spin cycle now, because somehow someone got me to the washing machine. And this pressure and cold is really stretching my fibres apart. I saw Him walk past. Soon. It will be over.

Bring me flowers- Hope

Do you- Neyo